Hormones seem to be kicking in again. The big day ebbs closer. Russell Crowe had his, now its my turn! I yielded and sent money to an unknown HK businessman yesterday, supposedly buying a new digital camera via eBay. Wish me luck. I figured that I’ll save myself a small fortune in developing prints. This way I can send them to most all I know and print out what we actually want printed. Best of all, we end up just showcasing them off the CDR on the television. How hard can that be (fool).

I slept on the floor again last night, mainly because it’s the best of a bad situation. Helen is uncomfortable, which means she moves about half the night, which keeps me up. I’ve been suffering with a cough and am chesty, so have been snoring excessively. I see me moving into the other end of the house soon. And sex, my imagination has never been better, and thank god for my decadent ways as a single man, else I’d have to buy porn. My exhaustion causes me to be a zombie all day, causing all sorts of other mistakes and errors of judgment. THE KID ISN’T EVEN HERE YET!

So the cot is bought, assembled, and in the room, the car capsule is purchased and imminently part of the car, the stickers are purchased for the walls, and on Friday (or Sat) we pick up the buggy and change table. Last night we had the last of the prenatal classes. Tracy, from Mesada in Caulfield is a riot. She should have her own TV show. The woman talks a mile a min but there is wisdom in them thar lungs. (Thanks Tracy, and BTW, I stand by the claim that washing does/should not take 2 hrs a day).

So nothing stands between us and meeting our child. I am informed, and equipped, yet something tells me, that like war, all the training in the world won’t prepare you, really, for the real thing. The fact of the matter is that in 7 weeks, a stranger will invade my house and my sleep. My wife will probably not want sex for another 6 months after, and I’ll be flat out trying to earn $$ for our business.

I put in a major effort around the house this weekend and the result was very positive. Helen broke down crying, telling me how much she appreciated it. I think she worries on a subconscious level, as a woman that she will not be able to look after the baby. I think that by giving her as much evidence that this is not the case is a big help. I think it calms her down and the baby to. I don’t want a stressed kid, or wife. He back is hurting her however, and my sleep is suffering as a result… I don’t expect it will get better b4 Xeny in born. Oh yea, we picked up the cot and car seat on the weekend. Putting the cot together was a labour of utter love. Just imagining our baby sleeping in these brought me close to tears. Our dog Apollo found that under the cor was a groovy new place to hang.

The transition continues. I was invited to co-speak at a high school today re being a man. I am into the men’s movement a bit and a mate of mine does this type of thing occasionally thru his business. The last time I was in a high school, I was in high school. While we were talking to these 14-15 yearold boys, most of whom seemed to be lovely kids and certainly developing into excellent young men, I could not help but think that in 12 or so years, my little girl is going to be in this environment. Doesn’t seem like a long time. I also was faced with the reality of being a dad to a girl. What we tell your boys about being men will impact their relationships with our girls. Unless you have all boys for a few generations, it is in our own self interests to teach our boys a balanced approach to man hood, that respects our daughters. Obvious, but obviously not so!

Pre natal classes number 4 yesterday. 2 more to go. I have to say the permutations and combinations of things that may or may not happen are daunting. We blokes sit thru the class like stunned mullets in awe at just how useless we will really be when the day arrives. Sure, we’ll hold her hand, light the incense, get the CD playing trickle water music against a backdrop of vonwhoever, but reality is that this his her womanhood moment.

It is an amazing push between the medical interventionist policy of zero risk and the midwifery camp who see (as I do) birthing and motherhood as a natural, healthy experience. They opt for a minimalist approach to intervention and I have to say I am more aligned with them than the guy with the face mask and gown. Again, the reality is that I as the sperm donor don’t seem to matter, and at best will be tolerated or used to ‘fetch’. We are at week 31. From 37, its in the any time now stage.